5 frustrating Ways that Communication Can Go Off the Track, and What to Do About It
by Lois Barth, Human Development Expert, Speaker, Executive Leadership Coach, & Author
What frustrates me more than almost anything is when you’re involved in what you think is a simple communication, a quick question, a piece of information, etc., that should take about 20 seconds, but instead, you have an adult game of telephone (sans the laughing and fun party favors afterward) and your thumbs have set up residence either on your keyboard or texting going back and forth.
My partner and I joke that these exchanges want to make us pull our hair out luckily, we both have a lot to spare between us.
In the last week alone, the combination of working with my contractor, calling in a to-go order at a local restaurant, or making a simple doctor’s appointment, simple questions alluded the recipient. Deep existential questions like, When will you be arriving (not in theory, said under my breath)? What are the cross streets of your address? Can you make it with gluten-free soy sauce? were more problematic than I had hoped. Hearing a wide range of responses like, “You see, the gasket on my blah blah blah went south, we’re located in midtown, and “No MSG No worries,” were my responses.
But this doesn’t happen just in our personal lives but in our professional ones as well. Coordinating a meeting and just wanting people to confirm is often met with a 27-reply-all email that can strangle a giraffe.
So why does this happen, and what can we do about it?
I feel honored to be part of an esteemed group of female motivational speakers in the NYC area. Whether I’m brought in as a keynote, an executive leadership coach, ultimately my work is about helping leaders and teams get out of their own way so they can thrive. One of the topics I’m often asked to speak and coach on is communication. I’m often asked why simple communication can feel so difficult and exhausting at times.
For that reason, I have created my five frustrating ways simple communication goes off the track and, most importantly, what can you do about it?
- Avoid Overcomplicated and Clumsy Communication- While you certainly can’t control anyone else’s behavior, you can certainly clean up your own. That’s why I start with the 4C’s of communication methodology; clear, concise, conversational, and call to action. Here are some things to consider in your communication style.
- How clear can you be in making a request?
- How about being simple and concise when asking what you need?
- No need for fancy pants two dollar words. Instead, use every day conversational language.
- Make sure there’s a call to action. If you are just sending an update, let them know “FYI.” But if you actually need something, let them know that as well.
- Go Slow to Go Fast- These days we’re often overextended and trying to do too many things at once. Basically, we’ve become a culture of people who have the attention span of a goldfish with ADD. Take a beat and actually read the communication you’ve gotten don’t just peruse it and “think” you’ve read it.
- Don’t pelt someone with a bunch of questions- OMG guilty as charged! Being a heart-centered and deeply passionate about people, when meeting a new person that I’m curious about, without realizing, I pelt away! YIKES! I have had to groom myself to really take in their response and let it land and carefully form the next question.
- Be in the other person’s world- If you’re not sure if an email or text is clear, read it out loud! The clunkiness will soon show if it’s long-winded or missing parts. If you think about how something lands for the person on the receiving end, you’ll automatically change up your communication.
- Presence is the Key- Taking the time to be really present when you read a text message or piece of correspondence and take it in before responding makes all the difference in the world.
Communication is ongoing and very nuanced. There will always be challenges, breakdowns, or confusion. But if you can imbue one or several of these principles, you will be that stronger of a communicator! And that will feel empowering.
But that doesn’t mean you’ll end up on the right street with a to-go container full of moo goo gai pan with gluten-free soy sauce, but you’ll know your way back both home and in the communication department.