by Lois Barth, Human Development Expert, Keynote Speaker, Executive & Career Coach, & Author of Courage to Sparkle
One of my “Lois-isms” is that “bones that break and heal properly become stronger than bones that were never broken.” It’s not just a medical fact; it’s a communication truth. This Sunday, I saw just how true that is. Let me give you the backstory.
During a holiday event at my community center, I had a bit of a miscommunication with a fellow member. It was my moment to practice what I preach. Instead of letting it fester, I decided to address it head-on. I said, “Hey, I think we had a hiccup. Are we okay?”
Her response? “Honestly, I felt micromanaged by you.”
Ouch. But instead of giving her context as to why I did what I did, I just acknowledged her feelings and apologized. I said, “That must’ve been frustrating. I’m really sorry, that wasn’t my intention.”
Sometimes, all someone needs is to feel heard. She appreciated it, and we ended up hugging it out. Later, we even had a heart-to-heart about how easy it is to cut people off over a little miscommunication—and how sad that would’ve been.
Fast forward a bit, and we had a lovely movie night and deep conversation, realizing we had so much in common. None of that would’ve happened if I hadn’t been honest and reached out to clean things up.
Think dodging tough talks keeps the peace? Think again! Harvard Business Review reveals that even top execs sometimes play the “hide from conflict” game, leading to a messier workplace. So, next time a disagreement pops up, tackle it like a pro—your relationships (and sanity) will thank you!
Here’s the deal: Honesty and Kindness are great dance partners. They don’t step on each other’s toes, and they don’t have two left feet.
But being beautifully honest isn’t always easy.
So, here’s my ABCs that have worked for me and my clients:
- A: Acknowledge the situation. A simple, “We had a tough moment, I’d like to iron it out” Are you game? Light Bright Polite is my code word. If you get heavy about it, others will too. Sometimes humor or a spirit of playfulness goes a long way.
- B: Be focused on the behavior. Whether it’s your own or someone else’s, address the actions, not the person.
- C: Call to action. This might be as simple as asking, “How can we avoid this in the future?” or offering a solution.
A few extra tips:
- Be proactive, not reactive. Don’t engage until you’ve cooled down.
- Clean your side of the street. Acknowledge your role without over-apologizing.
- Keep your eyes on the prize—maintaining healthy, wince-free relationships.
- Use discretion. Some people aren’t ready for honesty, and that’s okay.
Remember, bones that break and heal properly are stronger than ones that were never broken. I learned how true that this last Sunday. Have you had a moment where being beautifully honest deepened a relationship? I’d love to hear about it!
Lois Barth is in one of the top groups of female motivational speakers in NYC, as well as an executive leadership coach, who works with heart-centered mission-driven leaders, and scrappy entrepreneurs, to support them to be more impactful, engaged, and successful. If you’re looking to accomplish in order to get out of your own way, feel free to set up a discovery call.