by Lois Barth, Motivational, Resiliency, Mindfulness, and Communication Speaker NYC, Coach, and Author

Flashback- It’s a gazillion years ago in my prior career as an actress. I’m on a film set for 39 days.

I see the Assistant Director (aka A.D.) running back and forth, constantly on his walkie-talkie (versus cell phones) dabbing his brow and frantically running, downing a cup of coffee (black of course, no frills for this guy) and going nowhere. I watch him throughout the day in between scenes, the same scenario. I watch other A.D.s who are equally “busy” but not frantic and actually appear to get things done but are far more relaxed and connecting with others.

I become transfixed by Busy Bob. Now I’m not in his inner world or itinerary so my take on his M.O. is both instinctive and perhaps filled with assumptions. But I start to wonder what his inner narrative is that he’s telling himself all day as he runs around hysterically. “I’m so busy!” “There’s not enough time!” “I’ll never get everything done!” “Look everyone how busy I am!, I’m so important!” Who knows?

Fast Forward many years later. In the same week, I’m working with two different groups about how to manage expectations and communicate powerfully with yourself and within your team. As a motivational, resiliency, and mindfulness speaker in NYC, that’s often a very hot topic.

We talk about the power of self-talk and angle our conversations within our teams in a supportive and helpful manner. And being particularly specific with our language. I offer my 4C’s: Clear, Concise, Conversational, and Call To Action, whether it’s email, slack, phone, in-person, or via zoom.

But clearly, there’s a lot of nuance within those 4Cs.

We talk about the importance and challenge of delegation. “We’re all so swamped and slammed with work, we feel uncomfortable asking others to take on more.” I bring in the language piece and ask how can we change the language to shift the impact of how their communication lands.

Not just about being positive and supportive, but also neutral language that de-escalates stress while not putting a happy band-aid on what troubles someone in their position.

People call out brilliant suggestions, and questions like:

“Hey, I have a project for you that I could really use your help with, and would be a great opportunity to develop your skills. What’s your capacity right now? Are there other competing priorities that we need to discuss? Let’s chat about ways to either take those off your plate or move out the timelines!

Neutral words like capacity, bandwidth, and deliverables bubble to the surface. I ask the group to stop, take a breath and feel the difference from using more specific, neutral language.

Across the board, they agree that their stress levels go down by 50% just by creating more specific neutral language. They are reminded that communication is a dialogue and taking a creative curious approach can transform even the most challenging issues.

Common Sense, Uncommonly Practiced, is my LOIS-ism for that.

The language we use is as important as the external habits we create.

Change your language change your life.

Exercise: Start to notice what words you use when explaining certain experiences, you’re having. Even swapping out ‘I feel terrible’ with ‘I feel sad,’ or ‘I’m feeling angry, is way different than hyperbolic and inflammatory, and often globalizing terms that are not effectively communicating what’s going on and increase our stress.

Ready to take your own or your team’s communication to the next level in order to create greater success, productivity, and fulfillment in your life and your work? Let’s have a chat, feel free to book a discovery call.

Hey, thanks for tuning in and not tuning out.