by Lois Barth, Human Development Expert, Speaker, Coach, and Author

Many years ago, when I briefly lived in San Francisco, there was this very funky shop that had cards that were mostly line drawings with profound quotes. I was taken by the contrast of the starkness of color next to the richness of the phrases. “In Grief, there’s Relief.” That one popped out and I still have it somewhere in my possession. I fixated on what that means, and what’s possible when dealing with the messiness of grief. I scooped it up immediately.

Fast forward many years later, having like most of us endured several losses and the grief that comes with that, I now know what it means, at least to me. If I’m willing to allow myself the full range of grief, many themes and lessons emerge, that I can apply to my life.

These last few weeks that wave of grief ran through me, and yes, those same themes and lessons have re-emerged. I’m committed to integrating them even more deeply into my life.

On July 17th of this year, it was the 35th anniversary of my father’s tragic passing, his “Golden Years” that lay ahead were permanently tarnished and eviscerated. I was now older than him, when he passed. Within the same pocket of time, a co-founder of a fellowship I’m quite active in died suddenly. We were all shocked. There were close to 1,000 people at the zoom memorial service, and it lasted 10 and a half hours, yup it was that long.

I sat with the loss of both these men, one, my dad, whom I was exceedingly close to, and feel his legacy daily. The other man, while I’ve met him only once, his legacy of what he created impacted tens of thousands of people’s lives and will continue to do so for years to come.

I did what I call “productive grieving” which is feeling the feelings and applying the lessons and themes that emerge and using those to navigate my choices in life. What really came to me was a title of a song by Carly Simon, “These are the good ol’ days.” Not that this time we’re in is easy, light, and breezy, far from it. The point is there all we have. None of us know how much time we have on the planet, and because of that, I need to remember that each day is so exquisitely precious, even the pain in the butt days. If I want a life that is both meaningful to myself and those around me, I have to look at the legacy I want to create, and actively step into that legacy every day.

Legacy is one of those big words that get thrown around and can feel daunting. But it doesn’t have to be. Legacy doesn’t have to be ending world hunger, or curing cancer, “Big L.”
But can be a small and equally powerful legacy of showing up as a caring kind person or looking for solutions rather than harping on problems.

For me, my desired legacy is kindness, and truth, bringing levity to learning and life, taking courageous actions each day towards what is meaningful to me, and supporting others to do the same. It’s not only ivory tower stuff.

As a Human Development expert who is based in NYC and is asked to be a Stress Management Speaker and Corporate Trainer, I’m always being asked for tools, stories, and exercises to help teams navigate the challenges of virtual work and stay engaged and connected.

I do my best to do just that! One of the principles I encourage is a daily practice of really paying attention to the lessons in front of us that usually emerge from our challenges.

One of my LOIS-isms is “Life is Always Talking. Make Sure You’re Listening.”

Productivity doesn’t always look like crossing off your three top priorities for the day, albeit a great practice. Often, it’s in the nuances of being present. When we commit to being present in our lives, the sheer act of allowing ourselves to feel what we feel, and then embrace the lesson that emerges and apply it to our lives, is also another way to be productive.

So yes, even in grief, we can find ways to deal with it, productively.

How have you or do you deal with grief in a productive way? I’d love to know.

For those of you like me, who are exceedingly sensitive folks, check out this podcast.

Thanks for tuning in and not tuning out.